THE MORNING AFTER

It is unusually quiet for a Saturday morning.

Normally, 5am is majorly characterized by blaring horns from PSVs ferrying the proverbial early birds to catch their worms, and a few neighbors who still think their Hi-Fi systemdaysrelax loevenichhut andcamiciesaldi blundstoneprezzi borsalamilanesa von-dutch geoxoutlet chilloutshut marellaabiti marellaabiti moorecains tatascarpe chilloutshut fracominaabiti gigasportoutfitdamen s haven’t made a point yet.

She dare not forget the occasional love birds who are really fond of morning copulation. ‘Morning glory’ they call it, even though the only morning glory she understands is that early morning devotion she attended ever so faithfully back in high school. They make so much noise one would be forgiven to think they are at war. The sound proofing is not the best so if you are single you hold onto your faith (wherever that is) and hope that one day it will be you getting glorified in the morning.

She rubs her eyes trying to swipe away the dull pain that is slowly taking over head!
“Oh boy! Not a headache in the morning. What’s the day today anyway?” she thinks quietly fumbling around in pursuit of her phone.
Then she touches him. For a moment she wants to scream, but common sense prevails, and she coils away like a scolded kid.
It is then that she remembers she is not at her place.
She is in bed with a total stranger. Okay, not a stranger per se. She had known him via Kayla, a mutual friend but last night was the first time they met. And here she was in his bed.

“How did I even end up here?” she ‘wonders’, hoping against fate that she’s dreaming.  He stirs awake and snakes an arm around her waist. She’s naked beneath the sheets.
“Good morning you sexy thing!” he mumbles groggily closing in for a kiss.
She coils away trying to playfully shove him away. There’s no way that mouth that’s reeking of beer is going to kiss her. Her own morning breath agitates her.

“Come on! Give papi a good morning smacker.” He says, pulling her closer under the sheets. Close enough for her to feel his morning wood. More trouble.
“Ha-ha! Come on Gerry, stop it. Let me freshen up first. My mouth stinks”
“Well, I don’t mind”, comes the reply in heavily guarded by the pungent smell in his morning breath. He slips his arms between her thighs.
“But I do” she shoots back, taming his mischievous arm.

A morning person is definitely not what she is. Morning shenanigans have never intrigued her. As a matter of fact, she hates mornings and everything that comes with them. Sex inclusive. Don’t get it confused. A good round tickles her fancy, just not in the morning. More so not with someone she just met.

He is disappointed. That’s for sure. She can feel it in his breath as he really fights back the urge to coil away as well and play victim. Men! Were it not for the fear of feeling ‘emasculated‘ he’d probably throw a massive tantrum. But his misogynistic attitude won’t let him show how soft he is deep down. This once, she is grateful that such attitudes still prevail for she’d die of guilt if he opened up and told her how deeply hurt he is by the fact that she is not in the mood of taking meat in her grill!

“Yesterday was amazing”. He blurts after a weirdly long moment of silence. “You were amazing. Too wild even”
“Oh no! I was?” she replies, feigning surprise. She recalls everything. The sounds, the lights, the smell… everything.
“For real. Dare I call you a party animal!” he retorts, gently smacking her behind. The behind that’s provocatively resting on his crotch as they cuddle.
“Tell me. What happened?”
“Well, you had drinks, and danced real hard. Miss Fatty Fatty has nothing on you”
She chuckles, slightly flattered. Who still uses the word Miss Fatty Fatty in 2017 though? He might as well call her Alison Hinds.

“You had fun?” he asks with a tinge of concern.
“What do you think?” she teases back.
“Well, ask your waist. And rump” he hits back. “They have a tale to tell.”

She recalls how it all happened. They were supposed to have a drink or two then head home. But who leaves a night club at 9pm? Isn’t that the time of arrival anyway? And so a drink turned into a night out. Shot after shot. Jam after jam, gyration after gyration. Crotches were severed by bums but before they knew it, it was 1am. Were it not for her friend who had to leave immediately, they’d have waited for the sun to signal them. And so they left.
She had intended to go home. By jove she had. How she ended up on his bed she’ll never fathom but here she was.

“We did not use protection.”
“Yeah, things went from zero to 90 really fast. If you know what I mean.” He shoots back sarcastically. He never knows when to be serious.
“Did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Dump your seed in me?”
“Do I look like a pod to you?” comes the insensitive reply.
“Nope. You look like a careless bastard who doesn’t give a fuck.” She’s almost losing it. He can be annoying at times.
“Pun intended?” evil laughter.
“Definitely not! And if it was, I’d be lying.”
“Relax woman. I am not huge on being called daddy outside the bedroom.” More derision.
Jesus! Where is this human from? How can one person be so infuriating? But truth be told, she likes it. His word play and presumably insensitive nature gets to her… loins.

She remembers everything Kayla had told her about him. His smart mouth would always leave her in stitches as she read through their conversations. Kayla did not mind her replying to his texts when they were together but what she had never told her was that he had a smart tongue too. A tongue that was well conversed with well, you know what. Or maybe she had not experienced it. Goddammit Kayla!
And now the headache makes sense. Too much head maybe?

Morning after pills?

“On a serious note, did you?”
“Honestly speaking, I am not sure. I was too drunk. But I don’t think I did” he replies in strange sombreness.
“God! You are unbelievable!” she shouts, leaping off the bed to the bathroom. Emergency check.

“I really hope you were sane enough to pull out.”

“Relax. I’m the interruptus champ.” He brags as she locks the bathroom door.

“Gerry!” she screams. “You idiot!”